


Regrets

by Saraga_arts



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 00:21:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saraga_arts/pseuds/Saraga_arts





	1. Chapter 1

I sat there.

Just like I usually did.

But not really.

The excitement,

Relaxation,

Love,

And the feeling that someone needed me.

That I too, was important.

That usually came with it...

Replaced with things I dreaded...

Hurt,

Guilt,

Nervousness,

The tiniest bit of hope,

And acceptance...

I wanted you-...

No.

I needed you...

Like some sort of,

Medicine,

Remedy,

Ailment,

I needed you to press yourself against me.

In an embrace,

Hug,

Or even better,

A cuddle.

I needed to feel those soft strands of taffy hair, brush against my nose as you told me how your day went.

I needed to see those soft wrinkles that came at the ends of your eyes each time I made you laugh.

I needed to hear how tender and delicate your voice becomes as soon as you think I'm hurt or in trouble.

I needed to hear that stern voice that always scolded me to be good and do what's right.

I needed to see those vibrant violet eyes.

The way they shimmered each time you nerded out over science,  
Baking,

Or about whatever else you loved.

The love that you no longer had for me...

The amount of care they held for others.

The care I no longer received.

The way they shone with kindness.

The kindness that pulled me out of the dark.

I needed those hands that always caressed my hair,

Saying how soft it was and that you only did this because of that.

Lies.

I knew that,

You did it so you could watch me fall asleep in your lap.

I needed to taste those soft lips that gave me a reason to see tomorrow.

Those lips that I would do anything.

Those lips that always got what they wanted if they turned into a pout.

Those lips that told me those three special words that sent me to heaven.

No,

Even better.

Put me with you.

Made me yours.

Only yours.

I belonged to you.

I belonged.

To someone.

To you.

You.

You.

I just needed you.

Only you.

No one else.

With me.

Just me.

Only me.

No one other than me.

And...  
  
  


And...  
  
  


And not with her...  
  
  


Her...  
  
  


Her.  
  
  


Why...?

I told you I wasn't perfect...

But you said you didn't want that.

I told you I was a monster...

You told me you didn't see it like that.

I told you I was broken...

You promised you'd fix that...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


But  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


No matter how hard I try.

Even if the midnight moon burns up into the sun,

Along with it, me.

Even if your kingdom collapsed,

Even if the world was destroyed and only you and I remained...

You'd never want to see me...

Never want to look at what disgusted you the most...

Like many nights ago.

When you couldn't even look up at me...

You just continued to give me your back.

No matter how hard I tried.

I told you I would change.

I told you I would become a new person if you just gave me one more chance.

To hold you.

To love you.

To care for you like no one else in this pathetic universe ever can.

That only you were the reason I actually looked forward to living a thousand more years...

You told me you'd had enough.

You didn't want me.

You didn't let me speak another word before you called the guards.

Destroying any chance of me even entering the kingdom...

But then again...

You gave me loads of chances...

Loads of retries...

I took them all...

I guess I should have focused on you...

And not changing myself...

It's too late...

To late...

 

But  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

But than  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I saw you!

You finally entered your room.

I saw you!  
  
  


But...  
  
  


You looked awful..!

Bags under your eyes.

Hair jostled about.

The way you held yourself,

Like a noble,

A royal,

A prince.

Was now nothing more than a lazy stride.

I wanted to go touch you.

Hold you.

Tell you that it would be okay.

That you did a perfect job with your kingdom.

Tell you I'd always be there...

No matter what you were going through...

But alas,

The weeping remain weeping without their love.

Where's that bitch anyways?

She's supposed be everything I wasn't!

Take care of you the way I couldn't!

They were so...

Happy...

With each other in the beginning...

Until you two got engaged.

Than...

She got too busy...

Often coming to me and saying she needed to go and adventure out as much as she could before she would get 'trapped' and wanted to know if I wanted to come...

Trapped...?

Trapped????

How could anyone _EVER_ feel trapped,

With a person as perfect as you?!

If I have the chance...

Glob knows,

I'd rip the head off the only best friend I had...

Only because she mocked your perfection...

Only because she wasn't satisfied with the greatest being ever made.

She knew I loved him.

Oh,

How well she knew that.

Each time I'd deny something,

Like a party,

A chance to go outside,

To go to one of your balls...

She'd force your engagement down my throat.

Saying I was being an emo, jerk,

Inconsiderate.

An unfaithful friend.

That I couldn't move on and let her,

Or you,

be happy.  
  
  


...  
  
  


I'd kill myself if I could,

Only to see you smile.

I'll go through far more pain then I am right now...

I'll even let you look at someone else the way I did to you...

Only so you could live everyday with much joy.

And let myself rot.

Knowing it wasn't me that made you happy.

I told you...  
  
  


I told you,  
  
  


I told you I wasn't perfect...

So many times...

And with each, you told me it was okay.

That you'd love me unconditionally,

Like I did to you...  
  
  


Now.

Now you're barely making yourself out of your bathroom,

Changed in to some cute briefs.

And,  
  
  


And,  
  
  


The shirt you told me you threw out...

The rock shirt...

My rock shirt...

I've watched you for over a year now...

But never had you worn that shirt...

Where..?

What...?

Why...?

Why now...

Why today..?

Do you miss me...?

Does it ache your heart like it does mines?

Do you want to be with me...?

Like I do?

Do you want to forget the past and be with me again?  
  
  


Or...  
  
  


You just didn't have anything else to wear...

Sounds reasonable...

Today is Wednesday...

The day you loved to do your laundry...

The day where you'd force me to get up and clean up.

The day I always waited for, only to see those thick, Jelly bean-like eyebrows furrow up.

Scrunch up your nose.

And then chase me with a pillow in hand until I was in the bathroom.  
Or where ever you needed me to clean...

You stood at the foot of your bed,

Thinking.

Your deep frown folded in to a smile.

A small smile

A weak one...

Barely visible, but there...

It made my heart flutter.

And then you let out a small giggle-like laugh,

Something in between.

It had a hint of sadness but the joy overpowered it.

And my heart exploded.

I couldn't help the blush that grew on my cheeks...

Even after years,

Your smallest actions can turn me into putty...

But,  
  
  


What were you thinking?

Was it...

About what I was thinking...?

About all the great time you had with me...?

Probably not.

Most likely not.

That would be impossible.

And then.

You turned.  
  


And faced me.

Not away from me.

Not behind me.

But directly at me.

My heart thumped.

It pulsated.

For you.

And only ever you.

You looked in to my eyes.

Not with disgust...

But rather,

With a really pained expression...

You came closer to me...

Though,

Not in rage.

But with weary,

And careful steps.

I braced myself.

Your eyes beckoned me.

Hypnotized me.

'Hold me, please'

They cried.

No.

'I need you!'

They screamed.

No.

No.

I-I can't...

I won't...

You're happier without me...

You came closer,

And closer,

With streams of tears flowing down your cheeks now.

The same ones that were there when we parted ways.

The same ones that yelled at me.

Tell me how pathetic and useless I am.

That mocked me.

Scolded me.

'You're useless'

I know.

'Who lets some one that they love,

Love oh, so dearly,

Slip out of their hands like that.'

The so called idiot named,

Marshall Lee Abadeer

'Why won't you hug me!'

They continued to speak

'Why won't you stop these tears!

Why won't you comfort me!?'

They told me,

Over and over again.

I couldn't

I wanted to.

Needed to.

But...  
  
  


But...  
  
  


I just stepped aside,

Like the night before.

And the one before that.

And all those other nights.

And let you walk to the edge of your balcony

Where you cried.

Knowing I wasn't there for you.

Knowing that all these months I've watched you...

Not a single time have you seen me there...

I can't...

I won't...

I can't bear to see how disgusted you look...

Like you'll puke any second...

Each time you see me...

Or even...

Hear my name...

You don't.

You cut the person off and forbid anyone else to mention my name.

I hate those tears.

I hate the fact that I'm the one who caused this,

To someone as sweet as you...

Literal and figurative...

I guess...

It's time...

It's time I leave you alone...

Once and for all...  
  
  


"I love you..."


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up.

Without the most important thing in the world.

I woke up.

With the same,

guilt,

Frustration,

Regret.

I woke up.

With a head ache,

Eyes ache,

Heart ache.

You think I can't see you,

But,

I can.

By your scent.

By the sound of your breath.

By the silent steps you try and take.

By the sound of your tears,

Hitting the tiled floor.

The balcony floor.

I know..

I know you want-...

Need me.

Need me back in to your life.

Need me to take care of you.

Need me to love you back.

Just like you love me.

I do.

I really,

Really,

Do.

I made a mistake.

A big mistake leaving you.

I just...

I'm sorry...

Please,

come back...

But..

Now you never will...

I wore..

I wore that shirt again,

Even though it brought back the ache in my heart,

Even though it reminded me of you,

Even though,

It would only prove me as a liar,

For lying that I threw this out,

I had hope.

I had hope that this might make you show your self.

That you might finally be brave enough,

To talk to me...

But...

 

I braced myself,

As I stood at the foot of my bed.

I knew you were there.

My senses knew.

My heart...

knew...

It reminded me,

of how many times you'd try and scare me.

But like always, you'd fail.

Because...

I know you're there.

I know when you're in trouble.

I know when you're close.

I know.

You.

I know you're stubborn..

But so am I...

If...

If...

If you don't show yourself tonight...

Then I'll..

I'll stop being stubborn.

I don't care.

I don't care,

if I'm engaged,

If I'm to busy as a prince,

If you're not perfect.

I want you too.

I need you too.

I can't.

Any longer.

Please...

I know,

No matter what I say...

I've gotten myself stuck in a place where I can't call you mines again...

I need your help...

As I stand here,

Waiting,

Patiently.

I just...

Please do something...!

I couldn't help the tears that started flowing out of my eyes,

Like every night...

And Yours following shortly after.

I waited

And waited.

Will it be the same again...?

Will I eventually collapse from crying...?

Will you carry too my bed again...?

Will I-....

"I love you..."

What...?

Y-you...

You said it!

Oh, my glob!

"Marshall, I-I still love you too!"

Silence...   
"I-I'll forget the engagement...

I'll forget everything...

I'll only be yours!

Please Marshall!

Just show yourself too me!"

Nothing happened.

The wind only picked up and blew harder, causing a chill to run down my spine.

"M-Marshall...?"

H-he's...

He's not there anymore...

No

No

No

Marshall, please!

Don't leave me now, please!

I stayed awake the entire night,

Waiting.

I stayed awake the entire week,

And waited...

Why...

You tell me you love me,

Then leave me?

Wh-why did you disappear like that...?

Wh-why....?

It's over now...

And...

There's nothing I can do...

I'll just have to get married to fionna tomorrow...


	3. Chapter 3

It's been...

Glob knows...

Another thousand years..?

It's been,

Oh so very long...

But I still...

I still can't get over you...

I know.

I know I'm stupid for leaving.

I'm stupid for running away.

Away from you,

Away from her,

Away from everyone and anyone.

Fionna...

She had invited me to your wedding...

And I did come...

But you never saw...

You didn't notice...

You were so happy with her...

I-...

I couldn't-...

It hurt to see you be so...

So happy with someone else...

But at least...

You were happy,

Right?

Yea...

probably...

That tuxedo looked so good on you...

If It was me,

And not her,

I would've told you a million times...

How beautiful you were.

If it were me,

And not her,

I would've

Swayed with you all around the dance floor,

Like you were with her that day...

I know I said I'd never return,

But,

For Fionna's sake,

My best friends sake,

I attended the wedding...

But like always,

I was hidden.   
  
  


I really wanted to attend her funeral too,

But I knew you'd look so sad,

So vulnerable...

I...

I wouldn't have been able to help myself from taking you away.

Somewhere safe,

Somewhere better than there...

Though,

I do meet up with fionna regularly,

Not in the way I would've liked to...

It gets kinda lonely taking to her grave stone...

Well,

At least we can both relate to loving you...

Holding you...

Kissing you...

Glob...

I miss you so lumping much!

I miss you!

I miss her!

I miss us!

I miss all those 'boys night outs'!

All the times we spent as good friends...

Those times where we could look at each other,

And smile...

Not frown in displeasure or regret.  
  
  
  


A year back from now,

I met someone.

I thought I could forget you for her,

But,

You're irreplaceable...

No matter how hard I tried...

How many moves I made...

How many times I flirted...

I just-...

My heart just always craved for you...

She was never really in to me that way though,

Kind of reminded me of how fionna and I used to act...

Now that I think about it...

Their hair are awfully similar,

But hers has a very light touch of red.

The only thing reminding me that she wasn't fionna...

fionna's hair was the most gorgeous golden, blond colour in all of AAA...

I remember that.

I also remember how much she loved to adventure,

How much she loved food,

And how sweet and caring she was...

Of course, not as much as you.

Both figuratively and literally.

And I know,

No matter how much she resembles fionna,

She could never be her,

Not even be her daughter since she never had one.

She had a son.

Who's grand children are now ruling your sweet kingdom.

I wonder where you are, my sweet prince...

What you're doing right now...?

Did you find someone else after fionna...?

Or was she your only true love...

Like you,

Of mines?  
  
  
  


The fionna look alike usually hung out with me daily,

Adventuring,

Playing,

Or talking how big of a dick her granddad was.

She was a princess to a kingdom,

I didn't bother asking which one.

I didn't really care.

Her parents had passed away and her granddad was the only one who took care of her.

She wanted the throne,

But the old geezer wouldn't step down from 'his' throne.

What a bastard.

"He's long past due his time.

Why won't he just die?! Ugh!"

"The old farts been crawlin' up my ass again,

Can't keep his nose in his own business.

Asking me where I've been and shit.

I'll go and be where I wanna."

"If he won't let me be queen then fuck him, I'll do whatever I want then" that usually meant she'll break a few laws and rules.

You tell him!

Even though I've never met him, he sounds like a big ass hat.

No ones as sweet as you anymore...

No one cares for their people like you...  
  
  


But one day.

One very unusual and odd day,

She didn't speak foul words for him...

She came and stopped me from saying anything bad too.

"Hey, man... don't say that... he is just worried for me..."

Where's this coming from?

"He's gone through a lot..."

Oh, really?

'Haven't we all.'

"Shush, Marshall. His back stories kind of like yours... but different..."

Oh?

Now she has my full attention.

"He loved someone, like REAAALY loved someone.

He'd tell 'em that everyday...

But then...

Things happened and he had to call their relationship off...

It broke his heart to do so...

But he had no other choice at that time...

He was being naive and he's suffering for it now...

His so called lover said that he still loved him..."

'Bull shit.'

No one still loves you after you've broken up...

Except me...

"And so when he went to get him back,

He walked away from him.

He left him like that.

Not even giving him a second chance...

Shattering the heart that remained."

'Is this boring story over?'

"Interrupt me one more time and I'll cut your balls off and feed them to you"

Yikes...

"As I was saying,

He then went and had to marry someone he didn't even love romantically and live with her for the rest of his life!"

I don't know why she's telling me this.

'I don't care.'

"Well... you should! I want you two to meet up!"

'No.'

Nope.

Never.

Nu-uh.

Not happening.

'I don't care about him'

"But he's my family"

Since when did she call him her family?

"Please!"  
  


After months of begging,

I couldn't take it.

I agreed to her stupid request and waited in the forest like she told me too.

And waited.

And waited.

With a sigh,

I gave up and was bout to leave when I heard my name. I turned around to see the same girl but she was with someone.

Probably the old geezer.

He was pretty tall for being old though...

He was in a large magenta robe,

His head and half his face covered by its hood.

No.

I-it can't be...

I ran away from you!

Why'd you come...?

Did you know about this?!

She planned this didn't she?!

I wanted to run.

Run as far as I could.

Again.

But...

I couldn't.

I was frozen in mid flight.

My eyes pierced holes in to your head.

You didn't look up.

Do you still hate me...?

Do I still disgust you...?

Did she force you to come just like I was...?

'Gumball....'

It seemed as the whole world fell silent.

Quiet.

Nothing moved.

Nothing made a sound.

Even the raging winds had stopped.

Tension surrounding us.

Drowning us.

In frustration,

Fear,

Sadness,

Regrets...

Your head tilted up and looked at me,

With those...

With the tender gaze I longed for.

With the eyes filled with love,

Care,

Hope,

And fascination.

Regardless of all those things,

it shone the most in sadness,

Sorrow,

And guilt.

Guilt of making me suffer.

Guilt of making the stupid mistake.

Guilt of ever letting me go.

"Marshall..."

Say my name.

"Marshall... I'm sorry..."

Say it again.

"I need you..."

I need you too.

Stop.

No,

This wasn't supposed to happen!

I was supposed to move on!

Not fall for that stupid sadness hiding smile you have!

Fall for those heavenly eyes,

Fall for the voice that spoke with care,

Fall for....

You.

I've fallen again,

head over heels.

Again.

And I hate myself for it.

"Marshall... I-...

I really can't do this anymore...

I looked for you everywhere...

I looked tirelessly around all of AAA for you...

I didn't stop...

Until...

On,y until fionna passed away...

Leaving me with my son...

And my kingdom.

I thought that was all I needed to move on from you but my son fell in love too...

Bringing back those memories of us...

I couldn't-..."

No,

No, don't cry...

Those eyes aren't meant for tears.

Their meant to see,

To guide,

To look at others with care,

Heck, even to look at me with hatred,

But never for crying.

That salty liquid doesn't belong there...

Those tears aren't meant to stain those porcelain cheeks...

The cheeks were only for loving affection.

I don't know what you said after that.

All I did was focus on your face and those vibrant eyes that lured me in.

Longed for me.

Begged for me.

I couldn't say no any longer...

I won't say it...

You're finally wanting me back...

'Shhh'

You fell silent as you looked up.

'You look ugly when you cry'

A soft smile broke on to your lips as you tried to hold in your tears.

It didn't work though,

You just cried and cried,

Until...

Until I pulled your face up with my hands,

Softly,

Extra gently.

"I won't ever leave you again..."

'I won't let you leave me..."

Nothing else was said from either of us afterwards,

We couldn't possibly speak with our lips pressed together.

Softly moving in sync,

In desperation,

In pure love.

Love that we both wanted from each other for years...

And now we have it!

We have what we wanted...

We can finally live together,

With each other.

Without

Any

Regrets.


End file.
